Thursday, February 17, 2011
Allison has both weight and self-esteem issues. She takes most of her self-image from what others think of her, especially boys. Here, she begins a new diet, one of her many attempts at changing herself to meet others’ expectations. Allison first appeared in OGW 4/8/10, and again on 10/28/10.
Allison: I’m sitting all the way back at a table by the courtyard window, nowhere near through-traffic, and yet a bag of Fritos hits me in the head.
“Sorry,” says Soulsucking Loser Number Two Hundred and Twelve – they’re all the same, the boys in my class.
“No problem,” I say, putting the bag on the lunchtable and sliding it towards him.
Before the Loser gets to it, my fist smashes down, pulverizing the Fritos. “Sorry,” I say.
“Freak,” he says.
Yeah, whatever. Go home and cry to your momma.
Now where was I?
Oh yeah, Diet, Day One: I’m starting on a diet of Goldfish – the cheddar cheese flavored kind, not the swimmy kind. First, I bite off the tail, carefully so the rest of the fish stays together. If the fish breaks, I punish myself by throwing that one away.
After the tail is chewed five times and has basically just dissolved – I wouldn’t consider it swallowing, more like I absorb the taste of cracker… after that, I put the fish body in my mouth, and use my tongue to position the body upright between my top and bottom teeth, and then I split the body into two pieces with a gentle bite. I chew on these five chomps too, and then I swallow three times. Running my tongue over my teeth, I make sure they’re entirely clean of goldfish, and then I reach into my ziplocked baggie and get another one.And that’s how I do it. That’s how I get through lunch. Day One: Twenty-two goldfish.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Ella suffers from anxiety and depression since becoming a teenager, and it seems like no one understands her, especially her mother.
Ella: I don’t feel like writing don’t feel like writing don’t feel like writing my mother is making me do this she says I have to stop crying and this will help she says I have to write a whole page I don’t feel like writing I don’t feel like writing Mom what’s wrong with me? I feel like crying all the time, and sometimes I really want to do something, like, something fun, but I can’t get out of bed, I mean I can’t lie down either. I have all these ideas of things to do but I don’t want to do anything but I want to do something but I don’t know! Why are you making me do this Mom, it isn’t helping. I still feel frozen. I’m still crying. I don’t feel like writing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I always love writing. I finished the first chapter of Saving Ella, which I know you want me to let you read
I don’t feel like writing I don’t feel like writing I don’t feel like
Oh I don’t want to draw either.
You don’t understand! Why won’t you listen to me? You say you can’t understand me if I don’t stop crying, but how can I stop crying if you don’t understand? Writing and drawing help you, they don’t help me.
I don’t feel like writing.
There, that’s a page.
I stopped crying, are you happy now?Oh. You probably are.