Thursday, April 8, 2010
Allison has a weight problem, which she believes is why her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend. While she exercises and listens to random music, she discovers that she is worth more than she thought. She is "good enough."
Allison: My mother bought doughnuts.
I hear them calling my name. Just kidding. That was a stupid joke, not even funny. Not even a joke. Just stupid. God, I'm stupid and fat.
My eyelids are drooping. Gotta stay awake. Five am, holy crap attack, WTF am I doing? Exercising. Me.
(Wack job who just wants someone to love her.)
Doughnuts: "Allison, come eat us..."
Turning up the music -- Bono singing "Children of the Revolution",
"You won't stop children of the revolution..."
"Aaaa-llison, eat me..."
Okay, that was kinda funny. But seriously, gotta focus. Mandy, older sister, bitch, banging on the wall. Turn down the music. Decide to put on iPod. Down on the floor with my mother's old "Ab Slide" which I found in the basement, in an area of sorry stuff I call "As Seen on TV Fitness Junk". OMG, I am hysterical.
Slide once out and in with the Ab Slide and my knees crunch. Get a pillow and kneel on that. Slide, Slide. This hurts my shoulders. The song is "Before He Cheats," Carrie Underwood. How appropriate. Stupid shit stupid Jared stupid fuckhead stupid pot smoking dipshit creep.
Wow, that woke me up. Start Ab Sliding faster.
Earbud wire gets rolled over, then tangled, and buds fall out of my ears. Put them back in. Song: Concrete Blonde, "Mendocino." Oldie but goodie-- "If I could be with you again/I would fall all over you like a rain."
Stretch. Think about DOUGHNUTS. Don't think about doughnuts. Dance in front of the mirror (song: Flobots, "Handlebars"... "I can tie a knot in a cherry stem") I can. Tie a knot in a cherry stem, I mean. With my tongue. And yet dumbshit Jared messed around with Eleanor, and what kind of name is that anyway? Better than "Allison", I guess.
Everything's better than Allison, I guess. Everyone is better than Allison, I guess.
Fat. Smart enough to "ruin the curve" -- that's what they say, "Allison, you ruined the curve." No style. Half the music on my iPod is my sister's or my mother's, how pathetic. Loser!
Downstairs, past the doughnuts (DOUGHNUTS). Listening to Christina Aquilera, "Beautiful", change it to "Fighter" -- "After all you put me through/ You'd think I'd despise you/ But in the end I want to thank you/Cause you made me that much stronger"-- yeah, right. That's why I Ab Slided (Slid?) for a whole minute. Sign me up for the Olympics.
OMG, I've got to get moving. Five-thirty. Half hour to doughnuts if I run.
Past the Beecher's old house. Their daughter, Eleanor. As in Jared was feeling her up in the hall during cheerleading practice which he thought I was at but I got kicked off the team and left early because I can't do a split and I don't look good in a short skirt either...
Huff Puff. "All Apologies," Nirvana.
Oh yeah, did I forget to mention Eleanor used to be my neighbor and best friend and I've known her since I was two years old? That Jared met her when she was with me?
Eleanor had to move away from our block. Song: "Sleeps with Butterflies," Tori Amos. Anyway, Eleanor moved last year. Foreclosure on her house. Now she lives in a dirty little apartment with her loser father who never comes home and actually does heroin, I mean truthfully, does heroin, which is like, heroin? A Dad who does heroin. Freaks me out to think about it.
Slowing down. "Solitude stands by the window," (Suzanne Vega). Eleanor is so alone. She needs Jared. But I need Jared. We all need someone. That's gotta be a song, but not one on my iPod or not one I can think of right now because there's hardly any oxygen getting to my brain anymore. Pant gulp pant.
This is not even running! I am walking. My lungs burn. My shoulder hurts. It's dark and it's cold. I am tired. I press forward on the iPod. Now, Evanescence, "Immortal," singing, "I held your hand through all of these years," which is really me and Eleanor, not me and Jared. Screw Jared. I pick up the pace.
Miley Cyrus, "Hoedown Showdown"... "Put your hawk in the sky move side to side--" whatever the hell that means, but I'm singing out loud anyway. Really moving now (!!!)--
Running -- "We will be Victorious" (Muse, "Uprising)
"Smells Like Teen spirit"
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"
More Muse and Nirvana Christina Aquilera Cyndi Lauper Jimmy Eats World Vivaldi Blue October Avril Levigne more Christina Flobots L'il Kim Fleetwood Mac (?) Patti Smith Go Go Go Go Go Run Run Run I am Allison I am