Lucy

Lucy returns home with her stepfather, who, as she’d predicted, beats the shit out of her, and all the bravery she felt earlier gets kicked away…

Lucy:  I can’t can’t

He’s hurting me.  He kicks my shin like a little girl, only he has on steel-toed boots, and I collapse.  Now he kicks my in the stomach.  If I throw up, he’ll make me eat it for all I know.  If I throw up, he’ll definitely beat the shit out of me.

He’s already

Holding my knees to my chest, biting my lip so I don’t scream, I wonder how far it is to my backpack, and can I make it, and if I do can I pull out the scissors I stole from the school nurse, and can I stab him and stop him from ever beating me again?

Can I can I

I can’t can’t

Have to

Be strong

Not wimp

Out

Can’t

Can.

Lucy

Lucy is back, and the marks left behind by her abusive stepfather are getting noticed.

Lucy:  Stupid Natalie, told Ms. Green that if I was going to wear sunglasses in school, then so was she, and then she put on these gi-normous glam glasses with rhinestones studded around big, darkened, owl eyes.  Ms. Green had no choice but to make us both take off our sunglasses, even though mine were small, just big enough to cover the black eye Keith gave me which I think Ms. Green might’ve guessed about because I’m always hiding something, or I’m really clumsy, neither of which excuses she buys.

So then, I have to go to the nurse, who of course calls my house and of course Mom is at work, but sweet, kind, generous (not) Keith, my very favorite stepdad, of course he’s home.  And he doesn’t act mean, he doesn’t say, “Leave the little bitch in school, what’s her black eye got to do with me?

He doesn’t say that. 

He says something sugary-sweet, like so sweet it rots inside you (me), he says he’s worried about me, and he’s coming to get me and to take me to the doctor, and he’s such a liar, and I don’t want to go, I can’t go!

But I have to.

He’s my “father”.

He has rights.

Like, the right to kick my ass!

The right to kill me if he wants.

I’m sure it will be all my fault.

Lucy

Lucy is a new Outsider Girl.  In this very short piece, she repeats the mantra, “Peace, love, respect,” but seems to be the only one who holds out hope for that.

Lucy:  “Peace, Love, Respect,” my mother says to me, well, yells down to me from upstairs, where she claims to be watching a movie and giving me and Keith some “quality alone time”, another of Mom’s catch phrases.

     But how do I live the mantra -- the peace, the love, the respect -- when Keith is using his “You don’t understand a word I’m saying because you’re so—“

     “--fucking frustrated!  Yes, I’m frustrated, Lucy!  You will not fucking listen!  And another thing—“

     I’m thinking, “Peace.  That means no fighting.  Love, that means caring for each other.  Respect, that means treating others the way you’d like to be treated.  Listen!  Lucy, you have to listen!  Give him his say, and maybe he’ll feel better.  Maybe he’ll want to kiss you.  Maybe he’ll tell you how lovely you look today, how your blue eyes sparkle and your curls are so soft they smell like lavender, and—“

     Maybe when he reaches out his hand he will stroke your cheek and tell you he loves you instead of what I know he’s—

     My head snaps back from the force of his slap, so hard, I hear my neck crack.  I don’t dare cry.  Peace, love, respect, peace, love, respect, peace, love, respect, I keep saying to myself.